Divorce Checklist: 10 Things to Do Before You File

1. Talk to Your Spouse and Explore Amicable Options

Consider a cooperative approach. If you haven't already, think about how to broach the topic of divorce with your spouse. Pick a calm time and place (avoid holidays or special dates) to have an honest conversation. See if you and your spouse can work together to reach agreements on major issues like property division, child custody, and support, without a court fight. Couples who can agree on all key issues might even handle the divorce without extensive legal battles. In fact, if everything is agreed upon, you may be able to file an uncontested divorce or use a DIY divorce service to prepare the paperwork.

Look into mediation or collaboration. If you're mostly in agreement or want to keep things civil, mediation can help resolve remaining issues. A neutral mediator can guide both of you to compromise and finalize a fair settlement outside of court. Mediation is typically much cheaper and faster than litigation – often costing a few thousand dollars total instead of tens of thousands for a full court battle. The more you can handle amicably, the less stress and expense you'll both have. However, if your spouse is completely uncooperative or there's a history of abuse, be prepared that you may need to pursue a traditional divorce through attorneys and the courts.

2. Consult a Divorce Attorney (Get Legal Advice)

Know your rights and options. Even if you plan to negotiate directly or use mediation, it's wise to consult with a qualified family law attorney early on. No state law requires you to hire a lawyer to get divorced, but having one in your corner can help protect your rights and prevent costly mistakes. A good divorce attorney will explain how the process works in your state, what your rights and responsibilities are, and what you're entitled to. This doesn't mean you have to litigate or antagonize your spouse – it just ensures you're making informed decisions.

Shop around and ask questions. Look for an attorney who is experienced in divorce and whose approach fits your goals (for example, someone supportive of mediation if that's your plan). Seek recommendations from friends or online reviews, and interview a few lawyers if possible. Many offer an initial consultation – use that to ask about their experience, fees, and strategy. Keep in mind that while hiring lawyers does add expense (attorneys' fees will increase your overall divorce cost), the guidance can save you stress and protect your interests in the long run. If you're unsure whether to go DIY, mediate, or lawyer up, consider starting with a consultation to weigh your options.

3. Gather Important Documents

Start a file for all your paperwork. Divorce involves a lot of documentation, so gather and organize it early. Make copies of all key personal, legal, and financial documents and store them in a safe place (consider a digital backup as well). This will make the process much easier when it's time to negotiate or fill out forms. Common documents to collect include:

• Marriage and legal documents: your marriage certificate or license, any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements, and estate planning documents (wills, trusts, powers of attorney, healthcare directives).
• Financial account statements: recent statements for bank accounts, credit cards, mortgages, loans, investment and retirement accounts (401k, IRA, etc.), and any other joint debts or assets. It's best to have at least a few years of records if possible.
• Income and tax records: pay stubs or income statements for both you and your spouse, last 2-3 years of tax returns (state and federal), and documentation of any major assets or valuables (appraisals, titles).
• Insurance policies and bills: copies of life insurance policies, health insurance cards or policies, car insurance, home or renter's insurance, and any other relevant insurance documents.
• Property titles and other records: deeds or titles for real estate, vehicles, or other property you own (individually or jointly), as well as a list of significant personal property (furniture, jewelry, etc.). Don't forget records of things in any safe deposit box and their contents.

Access shared accounts while you can. If there are online accounts for banking or bills that only your spouse manages, make sure you have the logins or have downloaded the statements. As the "out-spouse" (the one less involved in finances), you'll want to secure this info before anyone knows you're planning to divorce. Having a full paper trail of your finances and assets from the start will save you time and help ensure nothing is overlooked when you disclose financial information to the court.

4. Organize Your Finances

Get a clear picture of your financial situation. Once you've gathered documents, take stock of your finances. Make a detailed list of all assets and debts owned by you and your spouse – including bank accounts, investments, properties, vehicles, loans, credit cards, and any other obligations. Knowing exactly what you have (and what you owe) is essential before filing for divorce. It might help to pull your personal credit report to catch any accounts you might have missed. Also, begin tracking your household income and expenses if you don't already. Understanding your monthly budget will prepare you for separating finances and transitioning to a one-income household.

Plan for life after separation. Think about how you'll manage financially once you and your spouse are living apart. If you don't already have one, create a post-divorce budget that accounts for paying rent or a mortgage on your own, utilities, groceries, insurance, childcare, and other expenses that you'll handle solo. This is also a good time to start building an emergency fund if you can, to cover any unexpected costs during the transition. If you have been out of the workforce or earning significantly less than your spouse, consider whether you'll need to seek employment or job training to support yourself. Living on a single income can be challenging – if you're unemployed, it's wise to start the job search as soon as possible to increase your financial stability. In some cases, you might also be entitled to temporary spousal support or unemployment assistance; ask your attorney about these options if needed.

5. Plan Your Living Arrangements

Decide where each of you will live during the divorce. If you and your spouse are still living together, discuss what the plan will be once you file. Some couples continue living in the same home until the divorce is finalized (especially if finances are tight), while others decide one person will move out sooner. Figure out what makes sense for your situation. If you can't have this discussion amicably, talk to your lawyer about your options. In many cases, if minor children are involved, the primary caregiver parent remains in the marital home to maintain stability for the kids. Consider who can realistically afford to take on the house (or rent a new place) and whether both of you can handle the costs of maintaining two households.

Budget for the cost of separate households. Running two homes is more expensive than one, so crunch the numbers carefully. As a rule of thumb, experts suggest keeping housing costs to no more than about 28% of your gross income per household. Look at your income (and any support you might receive or pay) and ensure you can cover rent/mortgage, utilities, and upkeep for your new living situation. Create a realistic plan that keeps both you and your spouse (and any children) in safe and stable housing within your means. If you plan to move out, start researching affordable places to live early. On the flip side, if you intend to stay in the marital home, think about how you will handle the mortgage or rent and maintenance on your own. Tip: Don't make any hasty moves like selling the house or terminating a lease without legal guidance – these decisions can have legal implications in a divorce. When in doubt, consult your attorney before changing your living arrangements.

6. Plan for Your Children

Put your kids' needs first. If you have children, take time to carefully plan how divorce will affect them. You'll need to figure out a new parenting arrangement that works for everyone. Start by learning about your state's custody guidelines and thinking through a proposed custody and visitation schedule. Consider practical details: Where will the children live primarily? How will weekends, holidays, and school breaks be divided? Try to outline a routine that provides stability and minimizes disruption for the kids. It can help to keep a shared calendar for parenting time and child-related events to stay organized. Also begin considering the financial side: will one parent pay child support? If you anticipate needing child support (or having to pay it), discuss this with your lawyer. You can even request a temporary child support order from the court when you file, if necessary, to ensure the children's needs are met in the interim.

Have a plan for telling the kids. One of the most difficult tasks is explaining the divorce to your children. It's usually best if you and your spouse can sit down together with the kids to break the news. Plan ahead for this conversation – be calm, loving, and honest, and make sure to present the decision as a joint choice without assigning blame. Emphasize to the children that it's not their fault and that both Mom and Dad love them and will continue to be their parents. Be prepared to answer their questions as best as you can about what will change (for example, living arrangements or schedules) and what will stay the same. Experts also advise against telling kids about the divorce around big events like holidays or birthdays, or right before bedtime, so that the timing doesn't add extra stress. Every child will react differently – some may be angry or sad. Give them space to express their feelings and consider seeking a counselor or support group for them if needed. By thoughtfully planning both the logistics and emotional aspects of your children's lives, you can help them (and yourself) navigate this transition more smoothly.

7. Secure Your Finances and Personal Information

Protect yourself financially and digitally. Before you officially file, take steps to safeguard your individual finances and privacy. This is especially important if you worry that your spouse might react poorly or try to restrict your access to money once divorce is on the table. Consider the following precautions:

• Open a bank account in your own name: If all your money is in joint accounts, go to the bank and open a new checking and savings account that only you control. This way, you have a place to deposit your income and any support payments, and a secure account for your own expenses. (Check your state's laws or ask your lawyer when is the appropriate time to do this – in some states you may want to wait until after separation to avoid complications.)
• Get a credit card in your name: If you don't already have a credit card solely in your name, consider applying for one. Divorce can sometimes hurt credit if not handled carefully, so it's wise to start building credit independently now. Use the card for small purchases and pay it off monthly to establish a good credit history. (As with the bank account, be mindful of timing and legal advice on this.)
• Change your passwords and emails: Update the passwords on all your personal accounts – email, banking, social media, cloud storage, subscriptions – anything your spouse might know or be able to guess. It's also a good idea to create a brand-new email address (that your spouse doesn't know about) to use for attorney communications or divorce-related matters. Use this secure email for communicating with your lawyer, receiving electronic copies of documents, and password recoveries, to keep those conversations private.
• Set up a P.O. box for mail: If you worry about privacy or intercepting of mail, get a post office box or arrange an alternative address for important mail. For instance, you could have sensitive correspondence (like letters from your lawyer or bank) sent to a P.O. box, or even to a trusted friend or family member's address, so your spouse won't have access to it. This ensures you receive all notices and paperwork confidentially.
• Secure important personal items: If there are valuable or irreplaceable personal belongings that you fear might "disappear" or be destroyed in an acrimonious split (for example, family heirlooms, jewelry, sentimental photo albums), discreetly move them to a safe location. You might give them to a trusted relative or put them in a safe deposit box. Be sure to document and disclose items as required legally, but do protect what's personally important to you.
• Plan for health insurance: If you're currently on your spouse's health insurance plan, research your options for coverage after you divorce. You might need to enroll in your employer's plan, find a private insurance plan, or use COBRA coverage temporarily. Start looking into this early so you're not caught without healthcare coverage when the divorce is finalized.

Stay security-conscious. These moves help establish your independence and safeguard your credit, but remember to stay within legal bounds. Don't hide assets or hoard money unfairly – just ensure you have access to funds and information that you are entitled to. If you're unsure about any action (for example, withdrawing money from a joint account), consult your attorney. The goal is to protect yourself, not to create suspicion or violate any court rules. By securing your financial and personal information, you prevent potential problems like a vindictive spouse locking you out of accounts or running up joint credit cards. It's about peace of mind during what can be a turbulent time.

8. Build a Support Network

You don't have to do this alone. Divorce can be an emotionally draining experience, so it's crucial to have support. Reach out to trusted friends and family members who can be there to listen, encourage you, and maybe even help with practical needs like watching the kids during attorney appointments. Surrounding yourself with people who care about you will remind you that you're not alone in this.

Consider counseling or a support group. A professional therapist or counselor can provide invaluable emotional support during a divorce. Having a safe space to process your feelings and fears can help you cope in a healthier way. If you're dealing with any kind of trauma (for example, domestic abuse or substance abuse issues in the marriage), therapy is especially important. Divorce support groups (in person or online) are another great resource – it often helps to talk with others who are going through similar experiences and understand what you're feeling. Don't hesitate to seek out community resources, such as divorce workshops or church support groups, if those appeal to you.

Prioritize safety if there's abuse. If your marriage involved domestic violence or any form of abuse, make your safety and your children's safety the top priority. This might mean reaching out to a local domestic violence organization, hotline, or shelter for help even before you file for divorce. They can help you make a safety plan and connect you with legal resources (like restraining orders) to protect you. Remember that no one should have to endure abuse – help is available. Lean on professionals and supportive loved ones to get through this safely.

9. Budget for Divorce Costs

Prepare for the expenses of divorce. It's no secret that divorce can be expensive. Court fees, attorney's fees, mediation sessions, moving to a new home, setting up separate households – the costs can add up quickly. Start setting aside money to cover these expenses if you can. Create a divorce budget that includes one-time costs (like legal fees or a security deposit for a new apartment) as well as any ongoing costs (such as child support or therapy copays). The average cost of a divorce in the U.S. is around $12,800, with about $11,000+ of that being attorney fees on average. Of course, your cost could be lower if your case is simple and amicable – or higher if you end up in a lengthy court battle. Knowing this, try to minimize conflict where you can, because every hour of fighting through lawyers can inflate the bill.

Use tools to estimate and save. To get a clearer idea of what your divorce might cost, consider using an online divorce cost estimator tool. By inputting details about your situation (like whether you have kids, property, disputes, etc.), you can get an estimate of potential legal fees and other expenses. This helps you budget accordingly and avoid financial surprises. Look for ways to save money during the process: for example, gather documents and information yourself to reduce billable hours, negotiate directly with your spouse when possible, and stay open to mediation or settlement (which is typically far cheaper than a trial). By being financially prepared, you'll reduce stress and be able to focus more on the outcome than the cost.

10. Prioritize Your Emotional Well-Being

Get in the right mindset. Divorce is not just a legal process – it's an emotional journey. Take care of your mental and emotional health as you prepare to file. It's completely normal to experience grief, anger, fear, relief, or a rollercoaster of emotions. You may be ending a chapter of your life, and that comes with a sense of loss even if the divorce is the right decision. Make time to process these feelings. Journaling, meditation, or talking with a therapist can help you work through the complex emotions that come up. Remember that feeling sad or anxious doesn't mean you're not doing the right thing – it means you're human. Give yourself permission to grieve the end of the marriage, but also remind yourself of the reasons you've made this decision and the healthier future you're working toward.

Practice self-care and stress management. In the midst of prepping for divorce, try not to neglect your personal well-being. Prioritize basic self-care: aim to get enough sleep, try to eat healthy meals, and get some exercise or movement each day to burn off stress. Doing activities you enjoy – whether it's going for a walk, hitting the gym, reading a good book, or spending time on hobbies – can provide a mental break from divorce matters and boost your mood. Stay socially connected with friends (have a fun night out or a relaxed get-together) to give yourself positive outlets. If you find yourself overwhelmed, take a deep breath and maybe take things one day at a time. This checklist is important, but you also need to recharge emotionally. By keeping yourself physically and mentally healthy, you'll be better equipped to handle the challenges of divorce.

Stay positive about the future. Finally, remind yourself that divorce is the start of a new chapter. It can be hard in the moment, but looking forward, there may be a sense of relief, growth, or new opportunities on the horizon once the dust settles. Many people come out of a divorce feeling stronger, happier, and more confident in time. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, engage in activities that build your confidence, and focus on the aspects of your life you're grateful for. As you complete these steps and file for divorce, know that you are taking control of your life. It's okay to feel uncertain, but trust that with preparation and support, you will get through this and emerge on the other side.

Conclusion

By following this divorce preparation checklist, you're setting yourself up for a smoother process and a more secure future. Divorce is never easy, but being proactive can significantly reduce stress. Organizing your finances and documents, making thoughtful plans for your kids and living situation, and caring for your emotional well-being will all pay off as you move forward. Take things one step at a time. And remember, help is always available – whether from professionals or loved ones – so you don't have to navigate this alone. With these preparations in place, you can file for divorce with greater confidence, knowing you've done everything you can to prepare for the road ahead. Good luck – better days are coming as you begin this new chapter of your life.